AkaвЂњthis sandwich wonвЂ™t bite, I promiseвЂќ guy, aka wait, is he going to cook this kitty cat?вЂ”may or may not be dating star of such Certified Fresh movies as Chef and Topher Grace-masterwork, In Good Company: the one, the only, the Scarlett Johansson about a week ago, news broke that Bobby FlayвЂ”aka hamburgler fuccboi.
Scarlett Johansson is 32-years-old, and perhaps probably the most gorgeous females on the earth. SheвЂ™s additionally a fabulous actress, and another of the very most bankable movie movie movie stars in Hollywood. Her in Translation? Unbelievable. Her neuroticism that is free-spirited in Christina Barcelona and Match aim? First-rate. And HeвЂ™s Simply Not That Towards You. Which was a film which was made as soon as.
Bobby Flay, having said that, is 52. HeвЂ™s a Food System star. And his name seems like the version that is generic of name that gets offered at Walgreens for half the purchase price.
The math was done by me. IT DOESNвЂ™T ADD UP. (I ALSO DONвЂ™T KNOW JUST HOW TO DO MATH!)
And so I asked myself a tremendously question that is simple asked myself for completely different purposes nearly every early morning since November:
exactly How did we arrive here? And much more especially: if they’re certainly datingвЂ”which, who knowsвЂ”how did Scar Jo arrive here?
Below, IвЂ™ve compiled an incomplete set of Scarlett JohanssonвЂ™s paramours, in roughly order that is chronological. This can assist us obtain a clearer image of whatвЂ™s going on here.
2002Scarlett Johansson dated Fun. guitar player, Bleachers man and otherwise big style music producer Jack Antonoff for just two years in twelfth grade, during the expert ChildrenвЂ™s class (let me reveal a photo associated with valedictorian).
2004AScarlett Johansson ended up being romantically associated with 31-year-old Jude Law, then 12 years her senior. She additionally had intercourse with Benicio del Toro in an elevator in the Chateau Marmont, which can be precisely the variety of thing individuals whoвЂ™ve never ever gone to the Chateau Marmont (me) would expect you’ll take place during the Chateau Marmont. She had been apparently seeing Patrick Wilson, too. There is certainly a pattern right here: older dudes.
2005She includes a fling with notorious ladyвЂ™s guy Jared Leto, therefore starting her dudes that are age-appropriate.
2005-2007Johansson dates perma-teen-hearthrob Josh Hartnett for 2 yrs. ItвЂ™s her very first relationship that is real Antonoff in вЂ02.
2008-2011Our woman goes right from Hartnett to Ryan Reynolds, who she marries. ItвЂ™s a pretty lateral move taste-wise.
2011Scarlett gets divorced and would go to Mexico with Sean Penn.
2012Scarlett begins Nate that is dating Naylor a ny advertisement exec whom, based on those that understand him, has an eye fixed for risquГ© art and appears like Morrissey in their prime. ThatвЂ™s high praise for a normal individual to get. For contextualization benefit, IвЂ™ve just ever been when compared with Matthew Perry, but less during their prime, and much more during the full years he had been coked away on Friends.
2012-2016Scarlett times, then marries, then divorces French journalist/editor Romain Dauriac.
2017Scarlett had been linked to SNL Weekend modify co-host Colin Jost as belated as might, which everybody type of universally agrees to become a win that is huge Colin Jost. And today, finally, it can be Flay’s change.
Okay, time for you to come back to our initial concern: exactly how did we arrive here?
Well, after meticulously Homeland-ing my whole bed room with images and magazine clippings and different-colored yarnsвЂ”i purchased the spools during the Yarn shop, it is a placeвЂ”we came up with all the explanation that is following. IвЂ™ve used dashes to split up the true points, in order to carry on with.
-2002 to approximately 2005 we are able to fundamentally discount as a result of Scarlett Johansson being fully a newly famous starlet that is 19-year-old Hollywood. It had been, as individuals state, a period. Completely behavior that is understandable. Particularly doing del Toro within an elevator. If perhaps you were a starlet amongst the many years of 19-24 between 2003-2006, it absolutely was essentially a rite of passage to possess intercourse with del Toro in a hotel lift.* After all, you dudes have observed 21 Grams, right?
*Backed up by zero proof.
-2005 to 2011 is pretty much the вЂњOh wait we can fundamentally date any guy i would likeвЂќ stage. We have Hartnett. We have Reynolds. Two severe relationships with two really usually good-looking dudes.
-2011 (cont.): Classic rebound situation, going from somebody who smiles on a regular basis (Reynolds) to somebody whoever face is kind of stuck in a permanent snarl (PennвЂ™s face).
-2012 to 2016 discovers Scarlett with two good-looking effective dudes (Naylor asian wife and Dauriac) that are nevertheless perhaps maybe perhaps not part of the Hollywood elite. After dating actors for such a long time, this might be a reasonable departure. Plus, hot execs that are creative the actors of normal individuals.
-Post-divorce, 2017 is probably ScarlettвЂ™s many interesting 12 months to date. Jost is sort of a throwback to your clean-cut Reynolds-esque actors. And Flay feels as though the total outcome of a) returning to her 19-year-old older-guy-phase; and b) starring in Chef in 2014. Her toggling involving the two is novel, yet also predictable: sheвЂ™s been toggling between a Jost and a Flay in a single method or another her whole dating life.
For whatever reason, IвЂ™m 76% certain sheвЂ™ll date Anthony Bourdain next.
Sam Eichner likes literary works, truth tv and their double kitties similarly. He’s got regularly been told he requires a shave since he started growing hair that is facial.